Hey, y’all! It’s yer favorite uncle here. I want to start off by saying that I have the best fans on the planet hands down! Justin Bieber has beliebers and I have RonTards on a dirtbike! These are my people! I’ve been thinking a lot about what I can do more to give back to my fans so I decide my going to put pen to paper! I'll be answering some burning questions that y’all are prolly wondering and we plan on posting one every week! Here we go!
Why Does Ron Ride the Screamin Eagle Dirtbike?
This here’s a pretty baseline question but a goodie! The bottom line is, if the American flag was a dirtbike it would be a Screamin Eagle! It's straight outta the 90s (when motocross was worth a shit and the commies at the AMA hadn’t completely ruined motocross yet), developed by NASSA (Not this Leftrey Sayso Space Sex Bullshit), and Ridden by the Baddest Mother Fucker on 2 wheels, and 2 strokes! (ME). This dirtbike was actually developed to be the first motorcycle to jump over the Moon but when funding was cut unexpectedly for reasons that we still don’t know, Project Screamin Eagle was the first to go. Jeremy McGrath (the King of supercross) was supposed to be the pilot but said the new designs of the Honda Cr 250 Screamin Eagle dirtbike were unrideable. Come to find out it was a complete operator error. I got on the motorcycle short after a was putting lap times in that were 6 to 9 seconds a lap faster than the King of Sx, (making me some sort of God I guess)! Sadly, with no funding, we were never able to launch the nASSa built Screamin Eagle Dirtbike into outer space. Sad story but true!
Obviously, our dreams of jumping over the moon were crushed. Since then I’ve just been proving to the entire world that the Screamin Eagle Dirtbike is a superior machine over any dirtbike on the planet! (Or Universe for that matter) And it's working thanks to y’all!
To wrap up this question, you do have options. You can ride a Kommiesaki like Adam Cincadildo and a Yamadog like Ellie Slomac or you can ride an America-built 2 stroke like The Baddest mother fucker on 2 wheels! Yer Choice. Thanks for everything y’all!
GodBless America and no place else
Yer Fav Uncle,
P.S we are looking for a $69,000,000,000 sponsorship to continue on with the moon jump so please Email firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to be a potential sponsor! If any money is left over it will be put into the project “Land on Uranus”.